I was so thrilled to go to Target today and buy a tongue-scraper and a long-sleeved t-shirt. Why the tongue-scraper? It's supposed to cut down on bad breath! I really don't mind bad breath because I'm never close enough to anyone for them to smell it. Actually, I do mind. I mind it terribly. I hate tasting it, and I hate getting those infections in the mouth. But, I'm hardly ever conscious of how the breath is going to smell to others. Unless it's church-breath. You can smell church breath from across the chapel. It has a kind of dull putridness about it that snakes its way across the room, however long the distance. I only ever smell that kind of bad-breath in church, so it becomes "church-breath." I've tried to figure out what makes it so--why do I only ever smell it in church? I'm still not sure, but I've my theories: I think it has something to do with fasting. All those stomach juices moving around, creating I-don't-know-what-kind-of-smells... it's disgusting. I think that my dad always had church-breath at church. I think it's distinctive of fasting because the stomach has nothing else to feed on but itself, and the people fasting can't really ruin their fast with breath-mints or don't want to use gum. But does it also mean that you can use toothpaste? Yikes... it's bad.
So, a tongue-scraper. It's not that important for me--it's just another toy.
What about the black, long-sleeved t-shirt? Well, it's exciting for me, but it also makes me feel a little stupid. Did you ever see those guys that don't stop wearing their short-sleeved t-shirts in the winter? They just throw a long-sleeved one underneath. I've always like the way it looks. There was one time I even tried to do it myself, but I felt like too much of a prat and ended up changing before I even walked out the door. Now, my dad gave me a shirt from one of his trips recently, and I really want to wear it. It's short-sleeved, and I don't want to show off my arms. What's my best option? Just throw one of these long-sleeved shirts underneath it and quit feeling like a prat. I'm mostly excited to see how it will turn out, whether or not I can wear it and not feel like a damn fool.
Hmmm. I wonder. Somehow I just feel more entertaining and therefore more worthwhile to myself if I'm writing sappy, sarcastic comments and not writing about a tongue-scraper and a black shirt. I wonder if I really get what I need out of writing if I'm trying to be witty and clever, even if I'm only writing for myself.
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Three days later...
Okay, so the shirt thing didn't work out so well. Apparently you're supposed to make sure that both shirts are the same size--exactly the same size. Mine weren't. The top shirt was just a bit smaller than the bottom shirt, so the long-sleeves puffed out underneath. It was like I was wearing an evening dress. Not even like I was a full transvestite. It was just weird. (Embarrassing). But it felt really comfortable. I loved it. So, we'll just ignore the evening gown thing for now and just concentrate on how it feels--not how it looks.
And the tongue scraper? Apparently you have to brush your teeth too in order for it to work. How did I miss that part?! (Just kidding).
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Three hours later... I'm having the damnedest time figuring out how to finish this post.
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